Two Steps Forward, TEN Steps Back: Turning Setbacks Into A Comeback

Rising to bloom beautifully despite growing in challenging conditions. The Lotus teaches us to find success despite our setbacks.

When Life Keeps Knocking Me Down

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly fighting against the current?  Every time you finally start to make progress, life comes around, knocks you on your ass and says “Not today lady!”

Two steps forward, one step back is the saying, but in my case, it always feels like TEN steps back.

That’s where I was not too long ago.  For years I was stuck in this loop, never moving forward, always emotionally, financially, and spiritually exhausted.  It felt like the universe was handing out golden tickets to everyone but me.  Nothing I did seemed to work.  The harder I tried, the worse it got.  I’d wake up tired, go to bed tired, and felt like I had accomplished absolutely nothing in between.  My spirit felt heavy, my motivation had evaporated, and I was running on empty questioning every decision I had ever made.  Somewhere between crying in the shower, and staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell I was doing with my life, I realized something:

I was the common denominator in every situation that wasn’t working!

That was a hard truth to swallow.  Having to seriously think about every bad decision, every failure I had was because of ME!  This was the truth that changed everything.

The Moment I Realized I am the Problem

Nobody likes to admit they are part of their own problem.  It’s so much easier to blame life, timing, or bad luck.  I started looking at patterns in my life – relationships that didn’t work, goals that never stuck, financial struggles that repeated like a broken record – and I noticed that I had become my own worst enemy.

Not because I wanted to fail, but because I was addicted to the survival mode.  You know what I’m talking about, that fight-or-flight response we instinctively have when shit starts to blow-up around us.  I would get an energy high when I had a stressful and overwhelming day that created this response.  Making it through that day, I felt like I had conquered the world, but I hadn’t, I just prolonged the burnout, the stress, and the chaos of my life.  See, in these situations, I wouldn’t actually fix the problems that created the blow-up, I covered them with a band-aid and kept moving.  This always caused another blow-up, then another blow-up, one right after the other….complete…dysfunctional…CHAOS!  I had convinced myself that I didn’t deserve peace unless I earned it through ridiculous struggles.

Sound familiar?

Self-sabotage was the habit I was falling into, and to be honest, I still fall into it from time to time.  It doesn’t always look like destruction.  Sometimes it looks like procrastination, overthinking, or staying in comfort zones that are killing my growth.  I felt foolish trying something new, I kept telling myself, this is never going to work.  I’m too old, I’m not smart enough, there is no way people will listen to me!  See…self-sabotage…we all do it.  The difference from then and now,  I have learned to see it for what it is, accept it and own it.

Once you see your patterns – you can rewrite them!

The Power of Accountability (Even When It Hurts Like Hell)

Taking accountability for your life isn’t about gas lighting yourself for past mistakes, it’s about owning your power to choose differently.  When I finally took responsibility for my shitty choices (and yes, there were plenty) I stopped being powerless and I began to heal.  Here’s the thing, most people will not talk about this part of the process….the healing….because it’s hard!  Healing feels like hell because it’s undoing YEARS of self-sabotage and self-protection.  It is working it’s way through the chaos of your life and transforming it.

In the healing process, I learned accountability for my actions and mistakes. When I stopped blaming everyone else for where I was in life, and accepted the blame myself, everything began to shift.  The same situations that used to break me, started to build me.  Did this happen overnight?  Absolutely NOT!  I had to form positive habits, stay consistent and believe that I could make a change.

From Self-Sabotage to Self-Support

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that not everyone who has the golden touch has better luck – they just have better habits.  They choose to show up even when it’s uncomfortable.  They take the lesson before the loss.

If you, like me, have a natural tendency to self-sabotage, here are ways I used to change that:

Catch Your Triggers – Pay attention to when you start spiraling.  Is it when you’re close to success?  When things feel “too good to be true”?  In these moments, our brain is trying to protect us from potential pain – but instead it ends up robbing us of joy.  Write these triggers down, name them, be aware of them.  Awareness is the first step toward change.

Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend – We would never tell our best friend, “You’re useless” or “You’ll never get it right”, but we are so quick to say things like that to ourselves.  When that loud negative voice shows up, respond with truth!  “I’m learning, not failing”, “I’ve made progress, even if it’s small”, and “I’ve survived worse and I will continue to rise”.

Stop Waiting for Perfect Timing – There will never be the perfect time to start – just get off your ass and start, NOW!  The more we wait for the right moment, the more we train ourselves to fear movement.

Forgive Yourself Out Loud – We can’t move forward while dragging our past behind us.  We need to speak forgiveness into existence.  “I forgive myself for the mistakes I made.”  Healing begins with compassion, not punishment.

Be Grateful, Even in the Storm – Gratitude does not erase pain; it reframes it.  Some of the best versions of ourselves are born in the storm, not the sunshine.

The Rebuild (Small Steps, Big Shifts)

When I finally slammed into that emotional wall, I picked myself up (believe me, this took a very long time because I am extremely stubborn and full of pride!) and I started over – slowly.  I didn’t wake up one morning with everything figured out.  I started by taking small, boring steps that didn’t feel like they mattered at first.  I made my bed every morning, I took long – and I mean LONG – quiet walks alone.  I showed up to work even when I didn’t feel motivated.  Somewhere between those small, boring steps, I found myself.  I asked for help and for a prideful person, this is a huge step! The help I received came from strengthening my faith in God and from an absolutely amazing mentor!  He helped me see that growth doesn’t come from the big “aha” moments.  It comes from the quiet decisions I made when nobody was watching.

Those “TEN step back” moments hurt like hell, but they also teach! They strip away what’s not meant for us so we can rebuild stronger and wiser.  Sometimes the universe will block something we want so badly because it’s clearing space for something that fits our growth.

Your Comeback Starts Here

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same loop as me – two steps forward, one step back – take this as your reminder, it’s not the end.  You are not broken.  You are being rebuilt!

Every setback is part of your comeback story.  Every painful chapter is proof that you’re still here, still fighting, still learning, still capable of more.  Stop punishing yourself for being human.  Stop replaying the past like it owes you something.  Take a deep breath, plant your feet, and say it with me:

“This time, the steps I take forward are mine to keep.”  Because they are!

The moment you start believing that – truly believing – is the moment your comeback begins.

Moving Forward

We can’t always control what life throws our way, but we can control how we respond.  The people who seem to “turn everything to gold” do not avoid pain.  They turn pain into purpose, fear into faith, and setback into strategy.  The person in my life who has that “golden touch” is my mentor, Jason Criddle.

I met Jason when I was past my breaking point.  Physically I was still showing up, getting things done and running through the motions.  Emotionally, mentally, I was drowning.  As our mentorship began, Jason saw something in me that I could not see for myself.  His brutal honesty showed me that my biggest obstacle, my strongest enemy was myself.  It took a long time for me to acknowledge and accept this truth.  Even though he told me greatness was inside me, even when he gave me all the tools I needed to succeed, I didn’t listen to him, I didn’t believe him.  I was constantly letting fear control and guide me.  I was lost and had no confidence in myself or my talents.  I did absolutely nothing with the knowledge or tools Jason gave me – no follow through.

I know now that God placed Jason in my life for a reason.  I continued down a very long and dark road, hitting one road block after another.  God allowed me to hit rock bottom, He basically slammed me into that rock!  In the process, it forced me to open my eyes and see the path He had laid for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.  This verse hits home differently today.  On this path, He is using Jason every step of the way.  Jason could have kicked me to the curb a long time ago, I definitely gave him plenty of reasons to do so, but he didn’t.  Instead, He taught me, worked with me, gave me more knowledge and tools to succeed.  Here I am, a year later, entrusted with an amazing opportunity to help build one of his brands, SmartrWomen.

If you want to build a brand, lead in your industry, work on YOUR legacy, and create history, SmartrWomen is for you! With SmartrWomen you learn to live smarter, love deeper, and rise stronger, together!  If you are in the middle of your storm right now, your business is struggling, or you just need guidance from someone with the knowledge and skill to help your business scale, please reach out to Jason Criddle and his team at SmartrWomen.  They have the tools to get you and your business on a successful path!  2026 is going to be an amazing year for SmartrWomen and myself, and we are knocking down every obstacle in our way.

Remember…..Keep walking – Keep growing – Keep believing that your story still has its best chapters left to tell!